Parenting is hard

Okay so I'm just going to say it. Parenting is hard. . . I mean really hard. I am writing this while my 4 year old is screaming at the top of her lungs from her bedroom. I can't even tell you what caused this particular episode, but it's exhausting trying to discipline this kid!  I thought it was the terrible twos and then we had another go round during the threes that made the twos look like nothing. Now she's four and I'm out of excuses. On days like this I wonder if it's me. What am I doing or not doing that is causing this? She said to me today while I was talking to her about her behavior, "You're the only one that makes me act like this mommy!!!" Wow. Thanks for that.  She can be so delightful so why I do I get to experience the mean-spirited side of this little girl? I really do feel like she's more than I can handle sometimes.  And I have tried everything, from time outs to spankings to taking away toys or rewards. I've read plenty of discipline books and asked lots of questions from experienced moms. 

Most importantly, I have talked to her about her heart and about how her behavior and words reflect what's in her heart. That's the hardest thing. I feel this enormous responsibility to teach my children about God and loving others as Jesus did. Most days I feel completely inadequate for the task at hand.  I am praying that God will continue to give me wisdom, forgive me when I lose my patience or say the wrong thing, and will reveal himself to my kids in real ways so that they can begin to experience a relationship with Him that transforms their hearts and ultimately their behavior. Ava has such a sweet and loving personality, but is also prone to such intensity-- high highs and low lows. Her emotions run deep.  (I wonder where she got that trait?) I am praying that she will learn self-control and in the meantime God will give me an extra measure of self-control as well.  

It would be easier today to post some cute pictures I took of the kids recently, but I wanted to be real.  And the reality is that today was a tough day. I'm worn out from an afternoon of complaining, arguing and tears.  But maybe putting it out there will take the edge off of someone else's hard day so at least we know we're not alone.  

Update: I had not yet published this post because it was time to get dinner going, and I am happy to tell you that after some soul searching in her room, Ava came out and apologized. She told us at dinner very matter of factly, "I need to learn that I get what I get and I can't throw a fit." A-men to that. Parenting is tough. . . and rewarding.