May 4, 2009

Parenting is hard

Okay so I'm just going to say it. Parenting is hard. . . I mean really hard. I am writing this while my 4 year old is screaming at the top of her lungs from her bedroom. I can't even tell you what caused this particular episode, but it's exhausting trying to discipline this kid!  I thought it was the terrible twos and then we had another go round during the threes that made the twos look like nothing. Now she's four and I'm out of excuses. On days like this I wonder if it's me. What am I doing or not doing that is causing this? She said to me today while I was talking to her about her behavior, "You're the only one that makes me act like this mommy!!!" Wow. Thanks for that.  She can be so delightful so why I do I get to experience the mean-spirited side of this little girl? I really do feel like she's more than I can handle sometimes.  And I have tried everything, from time outs to spankings to taking away toys or rewards. I've read plenty of discipline books and asked lots of questions from experienced moms. 


Most importantly, I have talked to her about her heart and about how her behavior and words reflect what's in her heart. That's the hardest thing. I feel this enormous responsibility to teach my children about God and loving others as Jesus did. Most days I feel completely inadequate for the task at hand.  I am praying that God will continue to give me wisdom, forgive me when I lose my patience or say the wrong thing, and will reveal himself to my kids in real ways so that they can begin to experience a relationship with Him that transforms their hearts and ultimately their behavior. Ava has such a sweet and loving personality, but is also prone to such intensity-- high highs and low lows. Her emotions run deep.  (I wonder where she got that trait?) I am praying that she will learn self-control and in the meantime God will give me an extra measure of self-control as well.  

It would be easier today to post some cute pictures I took of the kids recently, but I wanted to be real.  And the reality is that today was a tough day. I'm worn out from an afternoon of complaining, arguing and tears.  But maybe putting it out there will take the edge off of someone else's hard day so at least we know we're not alone.  

Update: I had not yet published this post because it was time to get dinner going, and I am happy to tell you that after some soul searching in her room, Ava came out and apologized. She told us at dinner very matter of factly, "I need to learn that I get what I get and I can't throw a fit." A-men to that. Parenting is tough. . . and rewarding.

8 comments:

Wendy said...

I could have written nearly the same post today. Some days it just feels like nothing I do is making any difference at all. As I was reading your post, Casen came out of his room three times with some kind of excuse to keep from going to sleep, and I was not exactly the model of patience in my responses to him. Anyway, thank you for writing about it, because it does help to know that others are in the same battle and have the same feelings of frustration and inadequacy!

Whitney said...

Amen! It is soooo hard! Hang in there! Morgan is very strong-willed as well!

Jamie Ridgell said...

Oh Summer...hang in there! We all have our hard days - you are certainly not alone! Love you friend!

amber dayton said...

Summer - I just found your blog again linking from mutual friends. I loved your post - you are so right! I can totally tell that you are praying every step of the way & that's all we can do sometimes. My older one sounds a lot like your Ava - intense! That makes them so much fun & so tough to parent at the same time. I wanted to encourage you that this year in Kinder all those things about self control, etc have obviously sunk in - even though she still acts like a turkey sometimes at home (less so now than at 4), she makes great choices when not with us. That makes me feel like I am doing some things right! I'm sure you are doing an awesome job bc I know that you love the Lord & follow Him wholeheartedly. Hope you have some easier days to come!

jackie said...

We have talked about this many times and I am thankful that I have honest friends who are going through some of the same things that I am also. You are a wonderful mom and just know that I am right there with you. Someday we will get through the terrible 2s, 3s, & 4s!! :) Love ya girl!

Calista said...

I completely know what you are dealing with. I hate that I have to be so hard with Abby and she too has very high highs and very low lows. She completely wears me out. I have to pray for grace daily and sometimes every minute. I thank you for being so honest. It brings comfort to know I'm not the only one that feels like my daughter is out of control. Take care and I hope that you have better days. We really are so blessed to have such wonderful daughters even though they can be little drama queens.

Leah said...

4 year olds are tough! Lord, help us. But...you are providing a firm, fair, and consistant enviroment for Ava. She knows what is expected of her and feels safe in her enviroment to explore her independence. This class has tested me every way you can imagine and I would be more than happy to share some survival skills that got me through these special challenges.

Now your turn...how do you keep your 1 year olds from biting each other??? :)

Lauren said...

Summer,

I just have to tell you that I respect and admire you so much!! You and Chad are doing such a wonderful job teaching Ava and Pierson the fear of the Lord. I praise the Lord for the woman He has designed and created you to be. Thanks for walking and living such an authentic and humble journey of faith. You bless me more than you know :)