Nov 28, 2005

"Pick it up, Pack it in, Let me begin..."

Ava's down for a nap so I need to get busy packing, but I'm taking a just a minute to collect my thoughts and feelings about the move. I know I keep writing about this, but it's what we're doing right now so it's on my mind. The problem is that I don't do well with transition. Every major transition in my life, even ones I was incredibly excited about, caused me stress. I don't really worry, but I do have trouble eating and sleeping.

I like to be settled, especially at home. I guess that's one reason I love to decorate so much. I love to create a "nest" that feels like home. The timing of this move is particularly stressful because my home is filling up with boxes and piles and looks a mess in a season when I'm usually hanging garland, decorating the tree and making it feel "homier" than ever! I love the warm glow of Christmas lights in the evening with Christmas music and the smell of spiced apple candles. That is home to me. I'm getting teary just writing about it. (I am such a sentimental dork!) However, I have decided not to put up a tree this year since we are closing on the house on Thursday of this week, and will be out by December 21st. That's only 3 weeks away! I have SO much packing to do that I just can't see taking the time to put up a tree only to take it down in a couple of weeks, especially with a one year old-- every spare second has to be spent being productive or we will not be ready!

We're going to be staying with family until we move in to the house in Abilene on February 1st. Chad knows that once we're in the new house, I will probably be working around the clock to unpack and get settled. I don't mean to be so obsessive compulsive; I just can't sleep soundly until I feel I'm home.

I feel strongly that God has been guiding us in this direction, and I feel completely at peace about the decision. We have received one confirmation after another, so we trust that God will bless this move. Still, with each box I pack, I feel my heart growing heavier. It makes everything more real. The truth is that I really can't even talk to my closest friends about moving. I can talk about it on a surface level, but I haven't really talked about how sad I am to leave friends. Why are moves so emotional? I can't even write about it without getting an enormous lump in my throat.

Ava's waking. . . packing will have to wait-- nothing accomplished but glad I could put some thoughts down. It's theraputic.


Shelly said...

I'm glad you blogged instead of packed. It IS theraputic. Oh Summer, I think I'm still in denial that you are really leaving. I was talking to you last night at church thinking, "I can't believe I'm about to not get to see her every week." I will miss you sooooo much. I know how sad I am about you leaving, so I can't imagine how sad you are about leaving all of your friends. :( I know you have searched and are following God's will for your lives, but it doesn't make it any less sad that you're leaving. Sorry this was not a very encouraging comment. :) I won't let it happen again. I love you so much---

jkreggp said...

You are being challenged. Fortunately we have a powerful Father who can and will assist us as we face challenges of various kinds. Keep praying. Trust and obey. * I looked in my Bartlett's Quotations for a pithy quote about transition, but found nothing. It is interesting, though, that "tranquility," (something that for you right now is in short supply)is next to "trans" words like transfigure, transfix, transition, transient. - May God give you tranquility as you negotiate your way through life's trans.

Brandon Stover said...

We cannot wait till you move to A-town. If you need me to help you decorate, I'm here for you. I want you to feel at home very soon. Ask Kate, I'm a decorating/designing machine in our house. I think I'll try and read that book, & I think that Kate read Blue Like Jazz, so I know it must be good. I hope the "trans" in your life are blessed and Kate & I pray for you guys daily. Take Care and see you in Brownwood. Later

Chris Thompson said...

You sound a lot like someone who I know. She doesn't like the "trans" very much either. You two should share your anti-trans feelings.

Kate said...

I will help you get settled in your new home in Abilene, although I don't know if I can keep up with your midnight decorating...I might have to send Brandon over to help with that! I know it's hard being in transition and leaving friends. We're praying for you guys and we love you! We look forward to having you so close!

Leah said...

I totally understand how you are feeling right now. My husband is moving to Abilene in January too. And as excited I am for us to be in a new place, I am SO SAD to be leaving my town, my home, my job, my friends, my students. sniff sniff. We haven't found a home in Abilene yet, our house hasn't sold,and I haven't found a job so my departure is delayed which has stopped up my tears.
Change is good, but so hard sometimes even when it is a really good thing-Hang In There.

JENNY said...

We're praying for you guys, Summer. Transition is so hard for me, too. As I was reading your blog, I kept thinking that I wrote something similar in my journal a few months ago. I don't know what I was thinking when I decided to graduate, get married and move away to Colorado in the span of 3 weeks. haha! But, this experience has only challenged my faith ways it couldn't have if I had not made those decisions.

Love you guys and look forward to seeing you in a few weeks!

mindy tyndall said...

What a blessing you have been in my life. I remember the first time I met you at FWC when you and Chad came to talk about your wedding. I remember how beautiful you looked that day and just how it felt so good to help make your day special! I, too, have such mixed feelings about your move. While I know that the Lord is guiding your family, selfishly, you will all be missed so much.
I remember that once, a long time ago, a very special person reminded me that some people come into your lives and leave such sweet feelings in your heart. And even when the miles separate you, those memories remain with you for all time! Thanks, Summer, for being so precious. God has a mighty servant in you.
Love, Mindy