Jan 23, 2008

Milk

I really enjoy blogging, but it seems like most people (myself included) write about cute kids and happy times. When things are tough, I sometimes feel even more isolated because it seems like everyone else has it all together. Surely I am not the only who feels this way. In an effort to be transparent and real, here are some of the things that have been knocking around in my head lately: the good and the ugly. . .

Recently I had a revelation/ break down/ mother of two moment that ended in laughter. I was in the midst of sharing with Chad all of the things that have been on my heart lately that I never say. Mostly I was talking about not recognizing myself anymore. Somewhere between the extra baby weight that is hanging around my middle, the “mommy talk” that is eating my adult vocabulary, and the endless hours spent cleaning up poop and throw up and changing diapers and wiping snotty noses and nursing around clock, I stopped recognizing myself. Now don’t misunderstand, I LOVE my children, my husband, my job, my life. But at the end of the day, when I collapse into bed in oversized sweats, and think back on all I have done that day, it feels that any contributions I have made are relatively small. I was sharing all of this with Chad, and in the midst of pouring out my soul, I said in all seriousness, “I feel like all I am contributing to the world right now is milk!” Chad stopped me, had a good laugh, and decided that was his favorite new quote.

After some reflecting, I was reminded of Ecc. 3 “There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under heaven. . .A time to be born, and a time to die. A time to weep and a time to laugh. A time to mourn and a time to dance. A time to embrace and a time to refrain.. A time to be silent and a time to speak."

And here are a few that I’ve added that reflect my season: "A time to indulge and a time to sacrifice, a time to doubt and a time to have faith, a time to play and a time to discipline, a time for health and a time for sickness." I am looking forward to the time for dancing again! It must be just around the corner. . .

Speaking of sickness, one reason I have been discouraged is that our family has been SICK this winter. Since a few weeks before Thanksgiving to now, I think we have all been well at once only a couple of times. January has been exhausting—Pierson had RSV, Ava got pink eye in both eyes, then a cold, Chad and I both got nasty colds and now Chad has the stomach flu. Will we ever be well again? My body and my spirit are weary right now.

Still, I trust that God is involved in the details of our lives—even throw up and pink eye and sleeplessness.

On a lighter note, Ava still keeps us on our toes. My mom was watching her a few days ago for me, and she found Ava sitting facing the wall in the corner. When questioned about it, she said, “I made a pretend bad choice, so I put myself in pretend time out.” Wish she was as receptive to sitting in real time out!

16 comments:

summer said...

I love your honesty and I doubt there is a mom out there who can't relate to those feelings. And even though it may seem that way right now, I assure you that your contributions to the world go far beyond your milk production! (Although I imagine Pierson is most grateful for that particular contribution.) :)

Shelly said...

Summer, thanks for not "pretending." Hope everyone will be well soon.

Kate said...

I'm ready for all of you to be healthy too! So sorry to hear that Chad got sick too. I hope you can all feel better and stay well for a long time. Thanks for keeping it real.

mindy said...

You additions to "to everything there is a season" probably ring true for so many. Someone along the way forgot to tell us as young moms that sometimes all we DO feel is exhaustion - but as a mom who is all grown up now, I think it would have been most helpful to have heard it then! Hope to see you soon, but in the meantime...you are in my prayers!
Hugs!

katie said...

Ahhhh!!! I've got tears in my eyes after reading your post, because I miss our office times SO much! Doing good out in LA... and I miss the kids, but I desperately miss our girl-chat times in the office. It is such a hallow, safe place. :)

The Laws Family said...

Hey Summer. . .remember me? I have read your blog for awhile now (I'm really NOT a stalker!!) Ha ha. Anyways, just wanted to say thanks for the post. I have realized as I have gotten "older" how people who seem to have it together, just don't. . .at least I know I don't. . .but I like to pretend I do in the hopes that in the morning I will wake up and I truly will have it together!! I guess that is what makes life less boring. I dream of a boring life often! Anyways, I know the feeling of being weary and exhausted. . .just know you and your sweet family are in my thoughts and prayers! Kyna

Kara Sheets said...

thanks for keepin' it real. we are right there with ya. come spring we need to treat ourselves to something special! i don't know what yet...but just thinking about it will get me through the next few days/weeks.

Kylie said...

OK, Summer, I think you have just re-capped all of your readers lives the past several years. I agree, the 2nd baby put me in a tail-spin, but.....things are looking up. You are a terrific mom and wife, don't get too down, His blessings are new every morning, and sometimes you have to count poopy and vomit as blessings. Love to you and Chad, hang in there, it does get easier.

Jana said...

Summer, when I read the first paragraph of your post, I almost burst out crying because I COMPLETELY identify. One of the main reasons I stopped blogging was because I tried to be real about what was going on in my life, but it seemed to really turn off some of my friends and family members. The thing about being "real" is that it makes certain folks uncomfortable. I couldn't deal with the repercussions of my being so open about my feelings in a public forum. So I quit blogging. All that to say...I ENCOURAGE you in your realness. Jesus was all about truth. I think one of the best ways we can share Him with others is by being true to ourselves. You go girl.

mrs. mayo said...

Great post Summer. You know how I feel about those blogs of people who seem to have the perfect life and have it all together. You KNOW I identify with everything you just wrote. I think I've been in my sweats for 9 days straight. I wish I were exaggerating. This too shall pass! I'm praying for you.
I LOVE Ava stories!

Shelly said...

I miss you!!! I love your authentic-ness. I completely identify with everything you wrote about. Especially the milk thing. LOTS of milk. : ) And lately I'm in my house much more than I'm out and I can easily feel like I'm accomplishing nothing day after day. I have to remind myself that there is actually no greater job (in my opinion) than raising these little souls to know and love the Lord in a safe, nurturing environment so that one day they will leave this safe little nest and go out and be lights in that big world. I think moms might be one of Satan's favorite targets. It is easy, easy to fall into the "what is my purpose in this world" train of thought. I fight it so much more lately than I ever have. Also hard not to feel guilty about not being involved in more at church or in the community. I think I will make my goal for 2008 to enjoy this season!! Thanks for those words. I love you and miss you a ton.

Whitney Johns said...

Definitely relate! I had one of those days Friday when I was feeling like I was failing at the most important job in the world, being a mom. I was stressed and making Morgan stressed and then she was being extremely defiant! I was thinking to myself, "I'd be better off and she'd be better off if I worked full time." Thanks for being honest!

Brooks Inc. said...

Oh Summer-

I found this on just the right day. We have been battling the flu... passing it back and forth.

What I am finding is that when we share our common realities people are encouraged....even blessed by the realization that we really are all in this together...One Body! We can't ever show the world our desperation for Christ if it looks like things are perfect and we are fine without Him.

I sure love you and your precious family!

Becky

Noe Family said...

I wish you'd read my blog...it's like we're long lost twin sisters or something. (with identical lives, of course!) You wrote it much better than I did but we have had very similar weeks!! Hope things are getting better in your household now. Andrea

Susan said...

Summer-
Go read my Feb. 1 post. It is all for you, babe! I am thinking about you often- after you read my post you will know why I have not called! Love you!

Elizabeth said...

I remember feeling all of those feelings when my kids were young. Older mothers would say things like, "The time will go so fast and your babies will grow up and you will miss these days." I knew in my head that was true, but it seemed like such a long way away to me. Well, the older mothers were right. The years do fly by! You will, as you say, have other seasons in your life to do other things, and you will enjoy watching your children move on to the new seasons in their lives, as well. But, you will always have great memories from these days to treasure -- even if, at times, everyone's sick, you're exhausted, and you feel like a milk machine.